you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
