Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
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