please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
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