I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
