What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Life is so much better after having sex.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
