New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
