Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
