we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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