THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
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