I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
