38 yer olds are good kisserssss
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
