so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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