I will die if light touches me.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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