how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
