She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
you didnt know i had herpes?
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
