some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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