i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
3pm strippers are depressing
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
