Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
