She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
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