She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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