So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
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