Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
