we're blogging at a bar
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
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