we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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