I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
