Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
This is my gift to your gina
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize