chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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