evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
