I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize
