I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
