The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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