His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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