I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
