Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
