My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Watching her eat just hurts me
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
