You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
