were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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