Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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