Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
