I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
