I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Randomize