does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
