You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Randomize
