I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Did you pee in the oven last night??
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
