South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
