Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
