You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Randomize
