I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Randomize