how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
