my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Randomize
