That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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