You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
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