a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
