she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
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