Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Randomize