Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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