If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize