did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
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