U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
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