Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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