so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Randomize