'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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