its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
