and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Randomize
