You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
