Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
