Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
