She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
are you so shy because you have an std?
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
