i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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