guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Randomize
