someone threw a dead crab at me
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
