don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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