she woke up with a sticky ear
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
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