i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Dear god my vagina.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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