i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize