So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
