Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
In other news, I just burned my penis
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
