i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
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