wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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