yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Randomize
