I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
You smell like stripper and shame
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
