the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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