I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Randomize