Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
