I wanna bring you to show and tell
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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