I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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