bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
