People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Randomize
