i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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