This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
