it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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