I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
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