I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
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