like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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