I'm jealous of your bromance
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
