my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
they're like a gay fantastic four
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
