The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Randomize
