you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
i already hear my dad disowning me
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
