i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
