i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
