Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
