we have pet lesbian snakes
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
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