so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
