My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Randomize
