I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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