i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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