return my video game
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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