No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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